Using light, scientists make bad memories good in mice

Where do I sign up to be a Beta tester?

(via latimes)

Thank You!

Thank you for all the love and support. It means a lot to me.

I have an appointment with the outpatient program on Tuesday morning. I will go to the ER if I feel worse before Tuesday.

It will be rough for a while. I will likely run out of FMLA days which means they can fill my position. There is no short or long term disability where I work.

My landlord is great and understands the situation. I’ve talked to her a lot about my depression. I’ve probably talked to her about it more than anyone. However, she has bills to pay as well. So, I’ll handle that problem if/when it comes.

Again, thank you everyone for all of the love and support.

p.s. remind me to tell the story about being in the inpatient ward earlier this year and a situation that came up involving some TV show called Supernatural.

Suicide:

The title is your trigger warning.

I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately. Specifically, committing suicide. (I haven’t done it or tried).

I’ve been on psych meds since 1998. It started after I nearly dropped dead in Bosnia. I was working there after the war on a feeding program for Senior Citizens. Blood clot formed in my lower left leg, a DVT for you medical folks, broke off and went to both lungs.

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I read that as “Dive into the sex of bacon.”

halfbakedidea
toseethis

Throwback Thursday. 

Same as it ever was.

Throwback Thursday.

Same as it ever was.

So, this exists. 

Only one question remains. 

Why?

So, this exists.

Only one question remains.

Why?

See that down arrow in the bottom left corner? How long has that been a feature?

I tapped the time to pop up to the first post. Then I hit said arrow unknowingly and it took me to the post I was reading before. 

Huh.

See that down arrow in the bottom left corner? How long has that been a feature?

I tapped the time to pop up to the first post. Then I hit said arrow unknowingly and it took me to the post I was reading before.

Huh.

"Thanks for keeping me and my friends alive."

A comedian in an email to psychologist Ildiko Tabori, who sees patients at the Laugh Factory, after Robin Williams’ death. She’s one of the psychologists club owner Jamie Masada hired after he became alarmed by the number of premature deaths in the comic world. She calls the gig “the coolest job any psychologist can have.” (via latimes)

(via latimes)

So, it seems it actually went worse than I thought

So much for the direct approach. Facebook friend request denied, or not accepted, is probably the euphemistic way of saying it.

Time to refocus my thoughts on dying alone in a gutter.

Ugh.

Edited To Add:

One of my few talents was again verified. I get attracted to a woman who is separated from her husband, tell her about my attraction, and she goes back to her husband.

Saw recently she was wearing her rings. I must be horrible if the thought of me being attracted to them can drive women back to their husbands.

Like I said before, I hardly know her, rarely see her, so maybe she’s a racist, hates children, elderly people, poor people and is a total meanie.

Or worse she hides her feelings and can’t talk about her feelings and is a poor communicator with her significant others . That’s who I usually am attracted to according to my history.

That’s probably not true as she was upfront and pretty direct with what was going on with her relationship. And she was direct about not being interested in me.

It’s more likely she is the nice, kind and loving person I projected onto her.

She seems like a nice person. Very reserved, but most of the people at work that I don’t interact with much seem reserved.

Something clicked the first time I saw her. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Then recently I had a rare conversation with her and it felt so natural and easy to talk to her. I of course screwed that up by telling her I’m attracted to her. Not that it mattered because she’s not interested in me.

After that conversation that original click turned into a spark and a strong attraction the likes of which I don’t think I’ve ever experienced. I was completely smitten over someone I barely know.

For me that attraction was there. I foolishly thought she might be attracted to me in a conflicted manner. She probably has a strong character and if she did have the slightest of feelings for me she probably felt guilty because she was still married.

I really screwed up any chance of a relationship with her.

All of this to say I’m a fool who was a hopelessly, hopeful romantic. Yet, I’m convinced I’m going to die alone.

Time for a depression nap you say?

Don’t mind if I do.